My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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