I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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