He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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