So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
