I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
