Yo dont text me then not text me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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