There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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