part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
