I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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