I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
