is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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