I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
