you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
