Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
