There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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