i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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