why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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