His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
