Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
