I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
