she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
