Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
