almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
