Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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