Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
