So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
