She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize