is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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