I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
