You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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