This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
