Say something about gay babies.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
