Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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