ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
