Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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