Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
