I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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