thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
