if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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