final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
even my farts smell like vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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