Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
