Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
