please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
