i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
