this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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