I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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