Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you never un-have a 4some
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
