I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
