i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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