i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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