You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
