Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
