it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize