I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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