There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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