Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do vagina's smell?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize