The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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