all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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