What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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