it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
