Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
