Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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