You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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