literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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