My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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