1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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