I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
