you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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