it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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