my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
