i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
