The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
