apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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