By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
