oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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