Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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