..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Alive.
So much puke
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
