No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
