I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no you cant smoke seaweed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
