Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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