If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
