But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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