Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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