Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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