just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So squirting runs in the family.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
