I didn't shave. On purpose
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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