So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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