I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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