and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
