how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
True strength comes from lack of pants
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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