If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
