halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
