Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
