wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
