Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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