I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
